What Male Entitlement Looks Like March 5, 2012Posted by FCM in authors picks, entertainment, gender roles, kids, liberal dickwads, news you can use, pop culture.
Tags: boyfriend cheated, joan and melissa, joan rivers, lying, male entitlement, melissa rivers
everyone knows that in relationships with women, men lie constantly. constantly! they lie about everything, from the smallest thing to the biggest thing. especially the small things. and…especially the big things. they seem incapable of telling the truth, in fact, so much so that a
cynical reasonable person might conclude about men, as we are told to conclude about alcoholics and addicts, that if their lips are moving, they are lying. you can pretty much take that one to the bank.
and unless you enjoy the warm breeze generated by the lip-flapping, its best not to be in the way of a compulsive liar generally, because of the utter destruction and devastation they cause to everyone in their path. get out of the way, would seem to be reasonable advice. but instead, when it comes to men lying to women within the context of the het partnership, where mens lying completely devastates and wrecks womens lives all the time, we hear things like…”nothing is 100%.” this from mama rivers to her daughter melissa, when melissa finds out that her live-in boyfriend of 3 years has been clandestinely trolling craigslist for sex, among other things. and melissa is devastated, of course. i really feel her on this one. i do.
but the thing about “nothing” being 100%? actually, thats not true at all. men lie. THAT is 100%. and if any particular man hasnt lied to you yet, its only because at the present time, telling the truth works. when the truth ceases to be useful to him for whatever reason, he will stop using it.
men lie to women. end of. its a funny, funny joke, haha. everyone that matters, chuckles about it, and moves on. the destruction, when it happens to women, literally does not matter. and make no mistake: the destruction is often very, very bad. its not that its just a little destructive, thats not why its situation comedy-fodder. its a lot destructive, and the “joke,” if you can call it that, is that the jokes on women. this is what men do and its what men are. and so many women have literally no other choice but to put up with it. some women dont recognize that they have another choice, and even more women really dont have any other viable option, they are literally trapped with men who lie and they arent hallucinating about being there and being trapped. so many women are *that* vulnerable, and without other viable options. and *that* is fucking hilarious, to everyone who hates women. which is pretty much everyone.
but why do they do it? why do men lie to women about everything? well, in a word, entitlement. men lie to women because for their entire lives, since they could first cognate, boys and men have imagined what their lives would look like, and there was a woman there. maybe a nice boat, a nice house, a good job, a nice dog, some small and large appliances, maybe even lots and lots of sex with other men! but in addition to all of that, there was a woman. it was part of the plan. since they were first able to wrap their minds around the concept of a future-self, and im not sure at what age that happens, most men (even gay men!) knew that a woman would be part of the equation, that a woman was part of the package to which they were entitled. because they are men. and a woman is there, among all the other objects and appliances because women are just objects to men, nothing more. think of male entitlement as a big boat, loaded with cash -n- prizes, where one of the prizes is a woman, and the men are the skippers.
and lying to women is part of the steering mechanism? i guess? men want their lives to go a certain way, and lying to women is partially how they accomplish that. if things are going well, and telling the truth would keep him heading in the direction in which he wants to go, and would keep the woman there, great! maybe he will tell the truth. but the second the truth would cause choppy seas, where telling the truth would throw the life he imagines he is entitled to off-course, he will lie. because keeping his entitlement on track is his goal. his goal is NOT to be a good partner to a woman.
and if the woman bails (or is tossed overboard), he just gets another woman, and starts lying to her as soon as it becomes necessary. the women are as interchangeable as any other object, it could be anyone. dont take it personally, would actually be pretty good advice, because in this scenario, you arent a person. you might be the boat, but you arent the captain and you arent the first mate either.
this is men steering their own individual completely loaded with pirate booty barges through the navigable waters known as “life” when you are a man. they are trying to get somewhere, dammit, and they leave many, many female bodies in their wake. and to the extent they care about that, its only because they might find themselves stalled, or even going backwards for half a second while any particular storm passes. but thats all it is. any guilt or regret or “i’m sorry” you might get from a man, has nothing to do with a “conscience” or any other emotion or cognition evoked where one human being either “accidentally” or on purpose (or “accidentally-on-purpose,” yes thats a thing) wrongfully destroys another person and hurts them perhaps beyond repair. its nothing like that.
the only way a woman might understand what this feels like, from mens perspective, is to imagine how she would feel if she destroyed a very useful object she owned, either accidentally or on purpose. can you feel it? can you? good. this is “empathy” afterall: feeling what another person feels. if you thought a man in your life was feeling anything more than that, when it came to you, well, you were wrong. and youve probably been projecting this whole time, not empathizing.
the look on melissa’s face when she realizes what has happened to her, is what a moment of clarity looks like. she knows EVERYTHING at that moment, on an individual and probably a systemic level. this is what a breakthrough looks like, and no, it aint pretty. and the rage and extreme sorrow on joan’s face as she is witnessing the events happening to her daughter are very revealing too. joan knows whats up because she has doubtless seen the same thing countless times before. too bad they will both promptly forget the whole thing. or pretend to.
and meanwhile, melissa is attempting to raise a son, and is concerned about how this man has hurt her boy-child. surely she also knows that this man was her son’s teacher, since her son is a skipper-in-training, and that her now-ex has actually helped her son out quite a bit by showing him how its done? the look of unbearable agony tells me that she probably knows that, too.