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Happy Cranberries + Holiday Darwin Awards + I Love Melinda Dillon December 24, 2012

Posted by FCM in entertainment, pop culture, thats random.
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cranberries2
this isnt late for christmas — its early for new years.  goes better with leftovers IMO but you can really eat it anytime.  i just made some just now.  and yes, i am a little drunk.

for HAPPY CRANBERRIES you will need:

walnuts

whole orange

celery

fresh cranberries

fresh or frozen raspberries

small box black cherry or raspberry jello

red wine

sugar

OPTIONAL:

white wine or champagne

orange juice

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note that ALL INGREDIENTS ARE TO TASTE.  i dont use recipes unless i absolutely have to.  for this one, my mother makes it every year and i know what its supposed to look, smell and taste like.  which is GOOD.  not bitter.  so do that.  :)  it will be good.  and you will be happy!

first, mix white wine or champagne with orange juice.  drink.  :D   (ETA:  do not add orange juice and white wine to the cranberry recipe!  its for the cook to drink — if you add it to the recipe it will never set up right.  thanks mary.  i told you i was a little drunk!)

now.  in food processor (or pioneer-woman style — use a knife) chop separately and put into large bowl:

2 celery stalks; about a cup of walnuts; about 2 cups raspberries; 1/4 whole orange, including peel, minus seeds.

chop about 3 cups fresh cranberries and put into separate bowl with about 1/2 cup sugar.  set aside for about 20 minutes to let the sugar do its thang.

boil 2 cups red wine; dissolve jello in wine.

mix everything together and put in fridge.  let it thicken as much as you want to, then eat.  yum!

now, i have to tell you that i think 2 cups of wine is probably too much due to the water in the other ingredients and i am wondering if its going to set up right.  perhaps i shouldve only used a cup?  who knows.  if i made this more than once a year perhaps i would remember how to do it properly, gains from specialization and all that.  at any rate, i am drinking white wine and orange juice while im waiting.  we have a roast beef in the oven, red potatoes boiling, and fresh asparagus waiting in the wings.  24-hours of “a christmas story” is an hour and a half away.  linda radfem is making hilarious fun of the MRAs.  :)  have a great holiday yall.

holiday darwin awards (aka. the “Y” chromosome in action):

i love melinda dillon:

“mommy’s little piggie” scene from “a christmas story” here:

“close encounters of the third kind” watch entire film here:

enjoy!  comments open.  see you in 2013!

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Comments

1. Sargasso Sea - December 24, 2012

Recipes are for sober people anyway. :D

FCM - December 24, 2012

i was sober! until i wasnt! haha. happly holidays s4. :)

2. FCM - December 25, 2012

omg how could i forget this? just added it to the holiday darwin awards now:

3. MarySunshine - December 25, 2012

sled wax !!! yes. :-D

Thank’ee, FCM.

4. Miep O'Brien - December 25, 2012

Thanks, that looks terrific. I’m harvesting pecans and will use them instead of walnuts. This will be a pleasant project to distract me from how utterly fed up I am with men. Always appreciate your posts.

FCM - December 25, 2012

sled waxxxxx!!!!!! LOL i remember seeing this flick on the “big screen” with a male friend and i can tell you that i absolutely HOWLED when the sled took off like a shot. i thought it was the funniest freaking thing — men are so stupid. my male friend didnt think it was that funny. gee i wonder why?

enjoy miep, this is a good recipe and i bet pecans will do just fine. let us know how it turns out if you have a sec. :) thanks for reading. 40 mins til a christmas story!

FCM - December 25, 2012

ok i can report that 2 cups of wine makes it taste GOOD! but after 2 hours its not set up well at all. so if you want it more firm, try 1 cup of wine or even less, or perhaps use the full 2 cups but boil it down a bit. :) or, you know, wait til morning instead of eating it before its set all the way.

also, if you are using pecans i wonder if you might want to add a pinch of kosher salt since pecans are a bit sweet? just a suggestion. i have to say that my favorite part (besides EVERYTHING — srsly this stuff is so good!) is probably the orange peel. its really unexpected.

5. MarySunshine - December 25, 2012

you could use the 2 cups of wine if you toss in another package of jello. you have a lot of liquid in that recipe. generally, you have to figure 1 pkg of jello to 2 cups of liquid. as a guess, i would use 3 pkg of jello for the mixture whose quantities you have listed.

also: who is the woman pictured beside the cranberries? just curious.

FCM - December 25, 2012

its melinda dillon!

also, theres only 2 cups of liquid in this recipe — the 2 cups of red wine. the white wine and orange juice are for the cook to drink. :)

6. FCM - December 25, 2012

it really depends on what consistency you prefer. the way it is now, after chilling for about 2 hours with quantities listed (more or less) its like a loose cranberry relish. i just ate it plain in a bowl, but would be really good on ice cream or granola i bet. :) if you want it more like a jello mold, use more jello/less wine. or wait longer than 2 hours. IF YOU CAN! HAHA!

FCM - December 25, 2012

or, you you mean that with the chopped up fruit listed, plus the 2 cups of wine, it would equal about 6 cups of liquid total?

FCM - December 25, 2012

heres a recipe that uses apples and no jello (its also raw — yum!)

http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/cranberry_relish/

put fruit through a grinder, add sugar and let sit for 45 mins:

2 cups washed raw cranberries
2 skinned and cored tart apples
1 large, whole (peel ON) seedless orange, cut into sections
1 to 2 cups granulated sugar (depending on how sweet you would like your relish to be)

7. MarySunshine - December 25, 2012

or, you you mean that with the chopped up fruit listed, plus the 2 cups of wine, it would equal about 6 cups of liquid total?

yes. that’s how I was figuring it.

the second recipe, i have the ingredients for. frozen cranberries instead of fresh, though. if i toss in a package of figs and some xmas-type spices it will taste a lot like mincemeat, as in Olde English mincemeat tarts.

i’ll let you know how it turns out. :-P

FCM - December 25, 2012

oh that sounds good mary! mine set up a bit more overnight so now its like a soft to medium relish. perfect! :) and now that im sober i think the best part is not the orange peel but the WALNUTS and that it would go very nicely over french toast.

8. MarySunshine - December 25, 2012

:-) WALNUTS. Yes, I have walnuts. ground walnuts. also, ground pecans, and ground almonds.

I devoured the entire 200 gm package of figs already, so the ground nuts will have to absorb the liquid. If it needs sweetener I’ll add some thick maple sugar that I have on hand.

Brilliant, sunny, frigid day here, with freshly fallen snow. the first actual snow-that-stays-on-the-ground. a bowl of hot soup, then i suit up and go play in the snow. :-D

9. Feuerwerferin - December 26, 2012

Happy Cranberries and cheers!

FCM - December 26, 2012

thanks feuerwerferin! see you in 2013!

10. luckynkl - December 27, 2012

I don’t like cranberries or wine so I’ll have the pumpkin pie and eggnog instead. :)

Buon feste.

FCM - December 27, 2012

i’ll have both all day long. yum!


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