Happy Cranberries + Holiday Darwin Awards + I Love Melinda Dillon December 24, 2012
Posted by FCM in entertainment, pop culture, thats random.Tags: a christmas story, close encounters of the third kind, cranberry salad, melinda dillon, moonshiners
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this isnt late for christmas — its early for new years. goes better with leftovers IMO but you can really eat it anytime. i just made some just now. and yes, i am a little drunk.
for HAPPY CRANBERRIES you will need:
walnuts
whole orange
celery
fresh cranberries
fresh or frozen raspberries
small box black cherry or raspberry jello
red wine
sugar
OPTIONAL:
white wine or champagne
orange juice
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note that ALL INGREDIENTS ARE TO TASTE. i dont use recipes unless i absolutely have to. for this one, my mother makes it every year and i know what its supposed to look, smell and taste like. which is GOOD. not bitter. so do that. 
it will be good. and you will be happy!
first, mix white wine or champagne with orange juice. drink. 
(ETA: do not add orange juice and white wine to the cranberry recipe! its for the cook to drink — if you add it to the recipe it will never set up right. thanks mary. i told you i was a little drunk!)
now. in food processor (or pioneer-woman style — use a knife) chop separately and put into large bowl:
2 celery stalks; about a cup of walnuts; about 2 cups raspberries; 1/4 whole orange, including peel, minus seeds.
chop about 3 cups fresh cranberries and put into separate bowl with about 1/2 cup sugar. set aside for about 20 minutes to let the sugar do its thang.
boil 2 cups red wine; dissolve jello in wine.
mix everything together and put in fridge. let it thicken as much as you want to, then eat. yum!
now, i have to tell you that i think 2 cups of wine is probably too much due to the water in the other ingredients and i am wondering if its going to set up right. perhaps i shouldve only used a cup? who knows. if i made this more than once a year perhaps i would remember how to do it properly, gains from specialization and all that. at any rate, i am drinking white wine and orange juice while im waiting. we have a roast beef in the oven, red potatoes boiling, and fresh asparagus waiting in the wings. 24-hours of “a christmas story” is an hour and a half away. linda radfem is making hilarious fun of the MRAs. have a great holiday yall.
holiday darwin awards (aka. the “Y” chromosome in action):
i love melinda dillon:
“mommy’s little piggie” scene from “a christmas story” here:
“close encounters of the third kind” watch entire film here:
enjoy! comments open. see you in 2013!
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Recipes are for sober people anyway.
i was sober! until i wasnt! haha. happly holidays s4.
omg how could i forget this? just added it to the holiday darwin awards now:
sled wax !!! yes.
Thank’ee, FCM.
Thanks, that looks terrific. I’m harvesting pecans and will use them instead of walnuts. This will be a pleasant project to distract me from how utterly fed up I am with men. Always appreciate your posts.
sled waxxxxx!!!!!! LOL i remember seeing this flick on the “big screen” with a male friend and i can tell you that i absolutely HOWLED when the sled took off like a shot. i thought it was the funniest freaking thing — men are so stupid. my male friend didnt think it was that funny. gee i wonder why?
enjoy miep, this is a good recipe and i bet pecans will do just fine. let us know how it turns out if you have a sec.
thanks for reading. 40 mins til a christmas story!
ok i can report that 2 cups of wine makes it taste GOOD! but after 2 hours its not set up well at all. so if you want it more firm, try 1 cup of wine or even less, or perhaps use the full 2 cups but boil it down a bit.
or, you know, wait til morning instead of eating it before its set all the way.
also, if you are using pecans i wonder if you might want to add a pinch of kosher salt since pecans are a bit sweet? just a suggestion. i have to say that my favorite part (besides EVERYTHING — srsly this stuff is so good!) is probably the orange peel. its really unexpected.
you could use the 2 cups of wine if you toss in another package of jello. you have a lot of liquid in that recipe. generally, you have to figure 1 pkg of jello to 2 cups of liquid. as a guess, i would use 3 pkg of jello for the mixture whose quantities you have listed.
also: who is the woman pictured beside the cranberries? just curious.
its melinda dillon!
also, theres only 2 cups of liquid in this recipe — the 2 cups of red wine. the white wine and orange juice are for the cook to drink.
it really depends on what consistency you prefer. the way it is now, after chilling for about 2 hours with quantities listed (more or less) its like a loose cranberry relish. i just ate it plain in a bowl, but would be really good on ice cream or granola i bet.
if you want it more like a jello mold, use more jello/less wine. or wait longer than 2 hours. IF YOU CAN! HAHA!
or, you you mean that with the chopped up fruit listed, plus the 2 cups of wine, it would equal about 6 cups of liquid total?
heres a recipe that uses apples and no jello (its also raw — yum!)
http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/cranberry_relish/
put fruit through a grinder, add sugar and let sit for 45 mins:
2 cups washed raw cranberries
2 skinned and cored tart apples
1 large, whole (peel ON) seedless orange, cut into sections
1 to 2 cups granulated sugar (depending on how sweet you would like your relish to be)
or, you you mean that with the chopped up fruit listed, plus the 2 cups of wine, it would equal about 6 cups of liquid total?
yes. that’s how I was figuring it.
the second recipe, i have the ingredients for. frozen cranberries instead of fresh, though. if i toss in a package of figs and some xmas-type spices it will taste a lot like mincemeat, as in Olde English mincemeat tarts.
i’ll let you know how it turns out.
oh that sounds good mary! mine set up a bit more overnight so now its like a soft to medium relish. perfect!
and now that im sober i think the best part is not the orange peel but the WALNUTS and that it would go very nicely over french toast.
I devoured the entire 200 gm package of figs already, so the ground nuts will have to absorb the liquid. If it needs sweetener I’ll add some thick maple sugar that I have on hand.
Brilliant, sunny, frigid day here, with freshly fallen snow. the first actual snow-that-stays-on-the-ground. a bowl of hot soup, then i suit up and go play in the snow.
Happy Cranberries and cheers!
thanks feuerwerferin! see you in 2013!
I don’t like cranberries or wine so I’ll have the pumpkin pie and eggnog instead.
Buon feste.
i’ll have both all day long. yum!