Newsflash, Ladies: Fun-Feminism May Be Hazardous To Your Health (And By “May Be” I Mean “Very Obviously Is”) March 20, 2010Posted by FCM in feminisms, health, kids, liberal dickwads, PIV, pop culture, self-identified feminist men, thats mean, WTF?.
Tags: AIDS, fun fems, PIV, STD
i have been processing this for several weeks, and trying to decide how and whether to write about it. a few weeks ago, i heard from a very old and dear friend, with whom i hadnt spoken in several years. we were roommates in college, and i credit her with introducing me to feminism. two things about her feminism stand out clearly in my memory: one, she had andrea dworkin’s book “intercourse” on her bookshelf, and one day i asked her about it. she told me that andrea dworkin believed that all acts of PIV within a framework of capitopatriarchy and misogyny were rape. (mind. blown.)
the other thing was this: one night we were laying in bed talking, and she was telling me about her ex-husband and their sex life together. she said that he had had over 70 sexual partners, before her. i was 18 at the time and from a little nowhere town, she was 25 and from the big city. i didnt even know 70 people, i said. “wow” i said. “fuck your wow” she told me. grow the fuck up already, its just sex.
i consider that to be my introduction to fun-feminism (although she actually “got” what andrea dworkin was saying, unlike most fun-fems and all transactivists, today). how empowerfulizing! how freeing! “its just sex” rang my head like a bell. thats not what *i* had been hearing, all my life, and i liked *that* perspective a lot better. yay! to make a long story short, somehow, my friend reconciled what she knew about rape and sex into the following: open relationships are a good idea, because the pressure on me to be constantly available for intercourse is off. (because any ridiculous belief system is “feminist” as long as someone who calls themselves a “feminist” says it is!)
fast-forward to 15 years later, to our most recent correspondence. she has been remarried for 10 years, has a young child, and her husband has been battling full-blown AIDS for several years. theyd had an open relationship where he was free to have sex with other people whenever he wanted, as to not pressure my friend for sex (she was free to do the same, although i dont know whether she ever, or regularly did). but *he* sure as fuck did. and he seems to have preferred fucking other men. and she knew that, and supported it. how fun! how empowerfulizing! lets all pat ourselves on the back for being so. fucking. feminist.
you know, its feminism! where women are so modern and openminded as to not question mens entitlement to fuck us, and to fuck us over, in any way. feminism! where men are constantly placing women in harms way, and we ignore it, because calling attention to it is “prudish” and we are empowerfulized and strong, donchaknow (because “power” is synonymous with “permissive” and above all, “deference”. it is! look it up!).
my friend and their son have both tested negative. and they now believe that her husband contracted HIV sometime after they were married, even though he was practicing “safe sex.” yeah, right. frankly, i suspect he had a slip-up or 10 (or 1000, who knows), but if he didnt, its even fucking worse, isnt it? because that means he was “enlightened” enough to do everything he could do *not* to fuck his wife over, within the framework of an allegedly “feminist” relationship, and even he couldnt contemplate the obvious. that *not* exposing himself to other peoples bodily fluids was in his wife’s (and child’s) best interests.
and that means that even an allegedly feminist man, in an egalitarian relationship with a feminist woman, cant bring himself to consider her life, or her health, important enough to keep his dick in his pants. that the cost of keeping her safe, at the expense of getting his sexxxay on, was simply too high.
and obviously, neither of them could contemplate that a heterosexual relationship did not have to include mandatory PIV; or that it was unacceptable for the male partner to assume that he was entitled to sex on demand, from anyone, whether he was married to them or not.
welp. so much for feminist men. and so much for fun-feminism being “fun” in the end, for women. its fun for men, though. which is really the whole point.