Evolution of Barbie…Be Afraid (And That Sound You Hear is the Space-Time Continuum Cracking as Darwin Comes Back to Life, Slaps His Forehead, Dies Again, and Richard Dawkins Gives Up and Finds Religion) October 26, 2009Posted by FCM in entertainment, gender roles, kids, pop culture.
Tags: advertisements, barbie, commercials, darwin, richard dawkins, television, toys
barbie has evolved…and its enough to make me wish i were a creationist. i am literally afraid of whats coming next!
in the beginning…barbie was quite obviously a consumer product. a way for sedentary little girly-girls to spend their time, and their parents’ money. see above how barbie TM shamelessly reaches into your pocket with its new “skipper” creation. skipper is slightly *smaller* than barbie! so naturally, she needs a whole new wardrobe! cha-ching!
see below how barbie TM very helpfully tells you exactly how much everything costs and lays out all the available accessories in an attractive and functional pinwheel shape:
barbie becomes life-like. luckily she hasnt achieved sentience…yet. but notice how barbie is no longer just a money-hole. although barbie TM initially claimed that girls can pretend that they were “like her,” now…barbie is “like you!” shes human-like. she can move. she can do the same things *you* do. hooray! a new friend! and shes also available in blonde, brunette, and tahitian! just like you! you know, if you are from tahiti! (cough, cough)
heres where things get interesting. barbie is no longer just a money-hole, and shes no longer trying in all her plastic glory to be “like you.” now, we are back to you get to be “like her”! and for reals, this time! real live human girls get to wear *her* clothes. they get to carry *her* bags. they covet *her* dream house, and her life, instead of the other way around:
and for the wimmins:
this made me LOL. who is this crazy lady, and why is her midsection “censored”? are her boobs hanging out? or is she (OOPS!) wearing another designer on her opening day? my favorite part (besides the senior VP of barbie TM outdoing himself with the corporate-speak) was when the designer-lady was asked for a “for-instance” as she was slobbering all over herself and her new products… she says that, “for instance”, this new bag is so great because you can, you know, fill it with stuff, and “throw it in the car and go.” uh, last time i checked, hefty bags also fill that particular bill. if i may channel elle from legally blonde for a moment: “what, like its hard?”
and for the pièce de résistance:
tahitian-barbie makes her appearance at literally the end (10:30). i was beginning to wonder if she was invited. turns out, shes the belle of the ball! thats why, you know, she was LAST, and only showed up ONCE. (facedesk).