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Oh Golly Gee, Girls Are So Confusing!!1!11 January 16, 2010

Posted by FCM in gender roles, kids, pop culture.
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they really start playing this game early in life, dont they? boys and men have everything to gain from pretending that girls and women are “confusing.”

pretending that girls and women “dont know what we want” so what, thats a free pass to give us everything you know we *dont* want? because thats what it looks like to me.

lets start here.  women are human beings, and human beings *dont want* certain things, by design.  like pain, fear, uncertainty, stress, and abuse.  seriously.  if little junior here could just remember that, he would be, like, seriously ahead of the game, compared to many boys and men.  READ THE LIST AGAIN AND MEMORIZE IT.  i am not even fucking kidding.  it will be the best thing you ever did.

from there, we can move on to more advanced topics, like having to share too little resources with too many people.  nope, women dont like that any more than human beings like it.  so stop knocking us up.  but for now…just stick with the basics.

sadly, its not just boys and men who are playing this game.  girls are playing along with the same tired lines, including “i want to be mysterious!” and “youre right, i *dont* know what i want!”  but i am not going to post a video here of a teenaged girl playing into the misogyny of her culture.  thats just not fair.  plus its clear that several girls who responded to this disarmingly cute british boy typical little exhibitionist attention-grabbing male were just trying to flirt with him.  also not going there.

but i did watch most of them, and this young woman had the best response so far:  she basically says that if you want to understand girls, “hang out with them and talk to them.”  you know, like you do with the other humans.  thats good advice.

too hard for you? or, just not really *that* interested in answering your own tired bullshit question? dont worry junior.  just stick with the list.  carry around a cheat-sheet if you have to.  laminate it, and consult it often.  no shit.

Comments

1. Miska - January 16, 2010

The whole “women don’t know what they want” trope is just self-serving rubbish. Same with the Nice Guy “Women are attracted to assholes” line, which of course gives them a free pass to act like assholes.

What bothers me about this whole “women are sooooo confusing” nonsense is that it is so pervasive. All men seem to suffer from it to some degree. It is disheartening, because even after decades of feminism, women are still completely and utterly “other”.

The thing is, they have NO excuse to be confused. Women frequently make their desires known. But men refuse to listen.

factcheckme - January 16, 2010


The thing is, they have NO excuse to be confused. Women frequently make their desires known. But men refuse to listen.


this is exacty it miska. we also tell them what we *dont* want, and they dont care a whole lot about that, either. dont rape us. dont beat us. dont knock us up. dont leave us to raise your bastard children without child support. this is just as, if not more important than us making our “desires” known, because so frequently we just want to be left the fuck alone, by men. this requires no action on thier part at all, and they still cant come through. clearly, the problem is that men dont *care* what women want. and men want to be the center of attention, always, while demonstrating that male is the superior sex. so they ask bullshit rhetorical questions that cast women in a negative light.

what a bunch of shit!

EDIT: i didnt even intend to post this today, i had something else in mind. but i sometimes browse the “most viewed” vids on youtube, to see what the people are watching. and apparently, a shitload of them are watching this kid. and what he said really pissed me off.

2. rhondda - January 16, 2010

Well, my sons would call that boy a poseur and a fraud. They would be talking to the girl in your second video. In fact, that kind of girl is who they both have found. Sometimes I am astounded at their consideration of their girlfriends whom I adore. I never got that. They listen and talk. Sometimes I want to take credit for this. Yet, I am not sure. I think they figured out that what I said made more sense than what their dead beat dad didn’t do for them. Yeah I sacrificed for them, but they know that too. They read feminists like bell hooks and get it. They know that they are not the male power brokers in this world. They want something better too. This gives me some hope.

3. polly - January 16, 2010

I had to stop watching that because I have some bricks on my desk and I might have smashed the monitor with one of them. He is the most irritatingly smug/self satisfied/contrived youth I have ever come across and will undoubtedly go far.

4. thebewilderness - January 16, 2010

Men asking what women want is rather like asking what do women prefer to be held in contempt for.

The obvious answer is never an option.

factcheckme - January 16, 2010

haha polly, you are a brit, no? so the accent doesnt do anything for you. we americans are always taken by a british accent. it makes you sound like you are kidding, even when you arent, and smart, even when you are clearly an idiot.

oh, and i agree: he will probably go far. the little fucking turd.

5. ashleyspencer - January 16, 2010

As he says, girls are too dumb to know the difference between tv and internet. No wonder boys outperform girls educationally on almost every measure these days. Oh, no wait. Nevermind. It’s the opposite.

factcheckme - January 16, 2010

bewilderness, that was a brilliant reply. i have nothing to add. thanks.

6. desert.harpy - January 17, 2010

This seems to be what men and boys are really saying when they say they don’t understand what women want: “Women don’t want what I want them to want. I’m confused!”

It’s an excuse for them to ignore our wants and needs. It’s an excuse to keep giving us that which we wish to avoid at all costs instead.

They know good and goddamned well what we want. We want the same things they do: control over our own lives, love, pleasure, enough resources to support ourselves and our families, and time to relax. Many women also want power and boatloads of money, just like many men do. We wish to avoid the same things men do. You’ve listed most of those things already. It’s not hard to understand, but they prefer to play dumb. Of course, there’s always the possibility that they truly are that stupid.

factcheckme - January 17, 2010


This seems to be what men and boys are really saying when they say they don’t understand what women want: “Women don’t want what I want them to want. I’m confused!”


yes…except that i dont buy that they are “confused” at all. i think they are angry. very, very angry. i think alot of what men say and do and believe and pretend to believe is rooted in anger. what they have to be angry about, i have no idea. what, theres not enough sprinkles on their sundaes or something? while the rest of us are eating shit. thats rich.

7. desert.harpy - January 17, 2010

Yeah, I don’t believe that they’re truly confused either. That was kind of my point. They just claim that because they don’t want to acknowledge that woman have our own desires that don’t match what they want FOR us. It’s total bull crap.

I can’t figure out why men are so angry, either. At least, not why they’re mad at women. I can see why they might be mad about exploitive global capitalism, the isolation of modern life, constant warfare and the pressure to constantly compete in a ruthless manner to get ahead. But we didn’t create all of that. They did. Perhaps we’re just convenient scapegoats. Maybe they blame women for bringing them into this vale of tears. I dunno.

8. veganprimate - January 18, 2010

I think there needs to be a national program in all the schools. Kinda like when I was in 4th grade, all the girls went to the lunchroom. No boys allowed. We watched a movie about menstruation.

What they should do now is put all the girls in a room and they should be given a presentation on appropriate behavior from boys. There should be a list of things that if a boy says/does it is grounds for automatic breaking up…no ifs and or buts. One of those should be, “I don’t know what you want. You women are all the same…confusing.”

Actually, I’ve thought about this before, and I’ve even come up with a list of things in my head. Trouble is, I realize that the list would encompass every single male out there, and so the answer is stay away from boys, period!

9. SheilaG - January 18, 2010

“so the answer is stay away from boys, period!” Well yes veganprimate that is the answer.

What I’ve noticed now is that young men “play dumb.” They know they can’t out argue the feminists, gotten beaten too bad in that department, so now they claim women and girls are mysterious.

As to why men are so angry, well they need scapegoats. They don’t get all the good jobs anymore, and ANY man passed up for promotion by a woman becomes a womanhater. Also, male wages and status have declined because of global capitalism.
Males can no longer support a family on one income, so they are stuck. Middle class and working class men didn’t create these rules and didn’t cause this, the few white males in charge did. Nevertheless, they were accustomed to ruling the roost, running the jobs, and being paid more than women. They grew so accustomed to these “advantages” that when they started to disappear, they blamed women.

You’ll see now that the bulk of the American recession affected male dominted jobs, while women’s historic jobs thrived. I suggested that perhaps it’s not a question of women be underpaid as it is uneducated men being overpaid. They don’t like it, so they’ll blame women for the global economic boomerang. They should have listened to feminist critiques years ago, but being men, didn’t.

factcheckme - January 19, 2010

you know, there are a million reasons that men have to be angry at women. and they all serve to justify what they would already do to us, even if there were *nothing* wrong, and *nothing* to blame us for. men have been raping and killing us since long before the industrial revolution, and they will continue to do so into the forseeable future. men making less money is certainly going to stick in their craws, as the most up-to-date justification for that which they already feel completely justified. what will their next reason be? i cant even imagine. but the end-of-the-world crowd (and the asshats who just enjoy tossing around rape hypos) are already debating whether raping women to further the species is morally wrong (just read that in the comments over at nine duece’s place i think). apparently, it isnt, to some. big fucking surprise, that.

10. thebewilderness - January 19, 2010

men have been raping and killing us since long before the industrial revolution, and they will continue to do so into the forseeable future.

This is true.
I think what pisses them off most consistently is questioning their right to do so.

11. SheilaG - January 20, 2010

Good point thebewilderness and FCM, any excuse will do. The only thing that changes is when women finally wake up. It’s so damn hard to even get women to organize all women events in the first place. That damn heteronormative imparative drives me bats.

12. berryblade - January 20, 2010

“The whole “women don’t know what they want” trope is just self-serving rubbish. Same with the Nice Guy “Women are attracted to assholes” line, which of course gives them a free pass to act like assholes.

What bothers me about this whole “women are sooooo confusing” nonsense is that it is so pervasive. All men seem to suffer from it to some degree. It is disheartening, because even after decades of feminism, women are still completely and utterly “other”.

The thing is, they have NO excuse to be confused. Women frequently make their desires known. But men refuse to listen.”

Mishka, once again, you’ve managed to articulate the point I wanted to make so eloquently.

“I had to stop watching that because I have some bricks on my desk and I might have smashed the monitor with one of them. He is the most irritatingly smug/self satisfied/contrived youth I have ever come across and will undoubtedly go far.”

And Polly too.

factcheckme - January 20, 2010

the “othering” idea that miska pointed out so well is exactly the problem. we are still the other, after all this time.

factcheckme - January 20, 2010

ps. glad to see you are still around, berryblade, after that crack i made about horror movies, and the people who wub them.

13. desert harpy - January 20, 2010

FCM,you’re absolutely correct when you say that men’s anger against women is just a justification. My point was that while they do indeed have reasons to be mad, the same reasons we have, they don’t have any legitimate reasons to be be mad at us. Decent men would be mad about all the abuse heaped upon women, too.

14. SheilaG - January 20, 2010

Perhaps we should be able to agree after all this evidense, that men have no intention of ever wanting to know anything about women. Men change because they are forced to by law, their institutions are sued by the millions (catholic church child rape scandals), and then and only then do they “get it.”

I think this is the burden heterosexual women carry, and I hover back and forth between exasperated no sympathy, to compassion for the task they face even having to deal with men in so intimate a way.

I’m not really sure men are that intellectually capable of complexity, and are pretty selfish and simple minded if you ask me. They are under the illusion that they can be a-holes and women will love them all the more, they search for women with low self-esteem and prey on them.

A radical feminist writes off men, and says, women if you want freedom, you’ll have to walk out of this, because they aren’t going to change, they aren’t going to learn, they just aren’t.

15. berryblade - January 21, 2010

@factcheckme

Hahahha it’ll take more than a little insult to get rid of me – I used to spend my time on 4chan hahaha (then I grabbed a brain)

16. SheilaG - January 21, 2010

You know, after reading some truly dumb “feminist” sites, I find this a welcome relief. It draws on the thoughtful, the passionate, the deeply woman identified sane! Thanks for being here everyone.

17. polly - January 21, 2010

Ok re the accent (and general manner, delivery etc). This little s**t is obviously middle class, ove confident and over educated, and therefore immediately earns my dislike. Like I say, a smart arse, will probably be Prime Minister in 30 years.

18. Sam - January 21, 2010

If men find me confusing, I can only assume they’re too stupid to understand the most basic of communication skills.

I constantly notice that when I’m attempting to have a reasoned debate and men are involved, (entirely futile I know, but I just love self-punishment. Ha, it must be a “woman thing”) they constantly deliberately mis-interpret pretty much everything that I say to their own benefit. Because you know, despite being reasonably well educated and articulate, being a woman, I just don’t know what I *really* mean! I’m just crying out for a man to control my thoughts!

Maybe two, out of the countless men I’ve met in my life, aren’t like this. No surprise there when they’re starting this young. Infuriating.

And as another Brit, I find that boy’s accent incredibly smug and irritating!

19. Miska - January 21, 2010

Hahahha it’ll take more than a little insult to get rid of me – I used to spend my time on 4chan hahaha (then I grabbed a brain)

Ha! I too am a chan refugee. Nothing shocks me now. We should trade notes! Ausfags ftw!

factcheckme - January 21, 2010

4chan refugees eh. i have no idea why anyone would subject themselves to the non-feminist internet, let alone that. i spent a year posting at msnbc’s newsvine site and it was so absurdly misogynist and ignorant that it literally inspired me to start my own radical feminist blog. NOT a fun-fem blog, even though at one point i thought i was one. those liberal dickwads literally pushed me over the edge with their rape-hypos and generalized idiocy around real issues. they have their heads up their asses 24/7 and they cannot even grasp basic concepts. i dont know why i even bothered explaining it to them, as shelia says, all the evidence says that they are unable (or unwilling) to grasp it.

and i agree with sheila: this is a great group, and i am so pleased that you all are reading and posting here. thanks!

20. SheilaG - January 22, 2010

I’ve been spending some quality time with Mary Daly lately. Go to MaryDaly.org and in the links section is a wonderful taped phone conversations between Mary Daly and Rosanne. It is just delightful, and Mary talks about the connection between women and our biophilic natures. We can have these wonderful feminist discussions, because we have committed a large part of our life to feminism. The people who comment here are well read, have a vast experience of real life feminism, and we know that somehow it is pretty useless engaging men on this topic at all. They just aren’t that well educated, and with no lived experience of sexism, can’t get it, and often choose not to listen. You have to listen carefully to really get what feminism is. So that’s MSNEC sites or other blogs aren’t really about feminism. They are about men using vile hate language against women, and you get a real insight into the fact that men don’t know anything about this subject.

Mary Daly spent her life talking to women, trying to show a light onto the very structure of global patriarchy. For this she was called a racist and transphobic, she was hated by most men on the planet precisely because she got at the very heart of the patriarchal monster. Listen to Rosann and Mary talking on the phone; it shows Daly is a far more humane light. She really gets women’s love of life, and love of freedom. Feminism really isn’t about men at all in many ways, it is about the awakening of women to their own selves every day in every way.


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