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Why Am I Not Surprised? Boob Doctor Makes Positive Mammogram Result All About Him! January 31, 2010

Posted by FCM in health, rape, WTF?.
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its not really gambling if the house always wins.

i dont normally write about myself or my family, but this was just the absolute end.  friday afternoon we received some bad news: my mom had a positive mammogram result. two, actually: the first one, then a follow-up mammogram that was also positive. the next step is a surgical consult. so that part was shocking. what *wasnt* shocking is that the boob doctor somehow managed to make this experience all about him. men always do that, dont they? for christs sake.  so this is the state of things, when women need medical care. enter the boob doctor.

my mom lives in florida, and the only reason i am telling you that, is this: if you ever need major medical care or diagnostic testing, do not have it done in florida. just dont. i might do some research at some point about why this is, and what the numbers look like, but there is definitely something going on in florida regarding the competency of floridian doctors. if you are a snowbird or a midwesterner, go back to new york or michigan or wherever you are from, and get your major medical care there. thats free advice.

now, knowing what she knows (and has good reason to know, and i am *not* telling you about that) about the competency of floridian doctors, as soon as she heard “surgical consult” she was already going through her mental address book (its as sharp as a blackberry, and works in tunnels) and planning a trip back home. she mentions this to her doctor, who immediately becomes offended.  of course, as a fifty-something woman she has decades of experience catering to the egos of self-important men, so she didnt even tell him the truth: instead of “you butchers arent cutting into me, i am out of here” she said “my family is back home and i will need someone to look after me while i convalesce, so would you be so kind as to offer me a referral?”  and the fucking cocksucking doctor was *still* offended.

i wont even go into the fact that the doctor acted like breast surgery was no more important than trimming a hangnail, or excising a fucking boil.  or that he normally has his physicians assistant deal with the “wimmins trubbles”.  (because what, women *arent* the inferior other?)

SHE was digesting the news that she could have FUCKING CANCER, and she was STILL smart enough to suck his fucking dick and cater to HIM.  and no matter what she did or didnt do in HER moment of terror, in HER medical crisis, this fucking cocksucking piece of shit man was still making it all about himself.  this woman, this mother, this patient, this possible cancer patient in front of him sucking *his* fucking dick wasnt sucking it GOOD ENOUGH.  this woman who was completely devastated and still hadnt even told her husband or her daughters what had happened, who had stopped in his office for her test results and was told she needed her flesh sliced open to see whether she might die from cancer wasnt dancing FAST ENOUGH, to suit him.  that she was apparently questioning his competence (even though she took great pains *not* to fucking say that!) was what was important, there.  his interpretation of what she didnt even fucking say, was what he was focused on.

so did she get the referral?  yes, she did.  and he told her (without dancing, without self-censoring, without catering to *her* feelings at all, of course) that if she took a referral that day, that no matter what happened with her and her boob, she better not darken his doorway ever again.  but *she* was the one who had said just that very thing to *him* not 5 minutes before, and he had clearly gotten the message that *she* was the one doing the leaving, not him.

does this sound at all familiar, ladies?  because it does, to me.  this sounds very much to me like a scenario i experienced dozens of times in my twenties, when i was “dating,” and some fucking predatory man had decided he was going to fuck me, and i had to make some excuse to get the fuck out of dodge before something bad happened.  the foreboding, the terror, then the dancing, the quick-thinking, the dick-sucking, the coddling, and ultimately the escape.  i would say “and the male anger that followed” but its pretty clear to me that they were angry from the start.

and a fucking fifty-something woman with grown daughters and a husband is *still* doing this dance with men she doesnt even know, but who literally hold her life in their hands.  it never fucking ends.  this makes me so angry i cannot stand it.  i can not fucking stand this shit, at all.

Comments

1. pmsrhino - January 31, 2010

Yes. I have had some of the worst male doctors. When I was up at college and had this time when I simultaneously had food poisoning and an off and on UTI I went to several new doctors trying to get something to help, since I has hours from home and couldn’t make a trip down to see our family doctor. All of those doctors thought I was lying about my symptoms, were horribly patronizing, thought all I was doing was making up something so I could get a note to skip class, and I even had one doctor, who kept asking me shit about my degree and schooling and such, pretty much said my sociology degree was a fucking waste of time and that I should go into the sciences or some bullshit. I couldn’t get out of his office fast enough. It wasn’t until I went home about two months later and saw my family doctor that I’ve been going to since I was born that I got treatment for my food poisoning. 2 months. All because the fucking doctors near my college thought I was lying about my constant nausea and completely disregarded me talking about the bad fast food I ate that I thought was the cause.

So yeah, honestly, male doctors, if you haven’t known them for years and don’t trust them, are generally fucking assholes who think they know so much better than you and can be fucking assholes the entire time they insult you and your judgment. And I’ll never understand why male doctors are even doing things like ob/gyn exams and mammograms. The last thing I need during any of my yearly exams is some dude being an asswipe.

I’m really sorry to hear about your mom. I hope she gets the help she needs and everything turns out alright.

factcheckme - January 31, 2010

i have had some bad experiences too, pmsrhino. i might go into them someday. but this was the fucking end. the absolute end. thanks for your well-wishes. i hope it turns out alright, too.

2. Loretta Kemsley - January 31, 2010

My sympathy to you and your mother. This is a terrifying time. It is a shared time of pain and fear. I know. My mother died from breast cancer back in 1980. But don’t let that influence your feelings today. Today breast cancer is almost 100% curable if they’ve caught it early enough. If my mother were to get the same cancer today, she would survive. Check out the books of Dr. Susan Love. She teaches at UCLA, so she might be online there. Marvelous breast cancer specialist.

Dr. Love makes the point that no woman needs to be stampeded into a mastectomy or other option because the cancer — if its there — has already been growing for ten years before they can pick it up on a mammogram. Another bit of time to think through her options isn’t going to do any harm. She talks in depth about our options, not all of which will apply to every woman, but she gives us a place to start from when we talk to our doctors. No woman should be discussing this with her doctor without being fully informed.

A good friend of mine is a top orthopedic surgeon. He once told me that doctors get a God complex because everyone around them all day is so deferential. He talked about how hard it was for him to resist that urge and the problems it caused at home because he’d walk in the door, after hearing “Yes, doctor” all day long, and then try to deal with his wife as an equal. Very honest soul talk.

Sounds like your mom’s doc wasn’t into examining that privilege of never being questioned. He basically ordered your mom to submit to him without question, something Dr. Love advises against. How is that different than rape? It is her body and she has the right to say no, doesn’t she? But not in his eyes. In his eyes, he has the right to dominate and invade, to have full access to her most intimate parts and to hold her life in his hands with or without her permission.

I’m proud of your mom for standing up for her rights and not wavering in front of his God complex. She’s going to run into more of it, so be there, have her back. She’s going to need the support no matter what happens from this point forward — and you’ll feel better knowing you’ve helped her get through this trying time.

BTW, if they do have to remove something and ask her if she feels like “less,” I hope she tells them to stuff it. She isn’t “less” if she has to lose a body part. She’s more because she’s a survivor.

3. delphyne - January 31, 2010

He wouldn’t be happy about all those medical fees walking out of his consulting room door. Hence the pressure and guilt trip, because of course that’s the way men get women to dance to their tune. Asshole.

Best wishes to your mum, I hope it works out for her.

factcheckme - January 31, 2010


Sounds like your mom’s doc wasn’t into examining that privilege of never being questioned. He basically ordered your mom to submit to him without question, something Dr. Love advises against. How is that different than rape?


thanks loretta. as for it being like rape…its different than rape for very obvious reasons, but the rape mentality is the same. rape mentality + sex = rape. rape mentality + license to pratice medicine = a fucking misogynist asshole who vicitmizes women and calls it “doing his job.” same applies to cops. same applies to judges. and so on and so forth. its the aggressive, entitled mentality thats the problem, and its a problem for all men who deal with women on any level. and not unimportantly, it doesnt require that the men acknowledge that its there, or realize what they are doing. like the men who read this blog and let thier aggressive, entitled rape-mentalities show through, for all to see. and it also applies to the men in fucking dresses who dont acknowledge that they do the same fucking thing, in their dealings with women.

4. lefemmeferal - January 31, 2010

I’m sorry about your mom. I hope she’s going to be ok. I’ve always said I’m never stepping foot in Florida (for many reasons) and this is just one more reason not to.

I’ve experienced the God-doctor complex, the condescending fuckwit attitude, and the unwanted advice of other people who believe that going to the doctor will right every transient wrong that happens in my body. I hear “Have you gone to the doctor” more times than not, and it irritates me because it’s like HIS (almost always a he) opinion becomes the final arbiter of what’s going to happen inside my own body.

5. polly - January 31, 2010

I’m sorry to hear your mum had such a bad time FCM (and curse egotistical males to hell). Take care of her and yourself.

6. Loretta Kemsley - January 31, 2010

The bottom line is that we are still locked into a desperate struggle to determine who defines and controls our bodies. Historically, that’s been men. The assumption is still men have the right to define and control us, even after all these decades of feminism.

Every time I hear a woman say, “I’m not a feminist,” I don’t understand feminism,” or “We’re post-feminist,” I can’t help but wonder how long ago she just surrendered her body to all the men who believe it belongs to them, including complete strangers walking down the street.

The same goes for “fun-fems” who buy into the “girls just want to have fun” stuff. Sure, I like having fun — on my terms.

If we’re post-feminism, then why is sexual intercourse still defined as “penile/vaginal penetration” with men getting to control not just the act but how we are allowed to think about it? Why is porn becoming inscreasingly sadistic toward women? Why are we still arguing about birth control and abortion? Why do we still endure cat calls on the street and sexual harassment at work? Why do men still get angry when we want to talk about it?

This doctor getting angry because his power to control and define your mother’s body was challenged is just another symptom of the same old, same old.

7. Mary Sunshine - January 31, 2010

FCM,

I’m cheering for your mom. Bring on the excellent care! It’s there to be found – I know she’ll get it.

8. SheilaG - February 1, 2010

So happy your Mom is getting your help too, and that she had the guts to get out of dodge herself!

9. thebewilderness - February 1, 2010

Maybe the equipment in Florida is as crappy as the doctors and it is false positives.
My best to you and your mom.

10. veganprimate - February 1, 2010

Male doctors are assholes. Except for my family doctor growing up, I’ve not liked any of them. A few years ago, I made a decision to only see female doctors. So far, I’ve been able to do it, even with specialists.

11. Level Best - February 1, 2010

Between the brains both you and your mother have, I know she will take the best of the medical options available. My thoughts and best wishes will be with you! As for the combination of the medical-industrial complex and sexismn,feh, it is vile, vile, vile and not to be trusted. She needs to do the best thing for herself and damn the male egos!

factcheckme - February 1, 2010

thanks everyone for your well-wishes.

12. berryblade - February 3, 2010

I don’t really know what else to say, my mum had colon cancer and survived & my aunt had cervical cancer & survived, so I can empathise a bit of what you and your relatives are going through hope everything works out okay for you and them❤

13. Nine Deuce - February 4, 2010

I’m sorry to hear about what your mother and you are going through, and that this asshole doctor has made it worse. I’ve got an aunt who has just had a mastectomy and I spend a lot of time wondering whether her doctors know what they are doing. I hate male doctors. Every one I’ve had has been a creep and I refuse to see one anymore.

14. riverein - March 10, 2010

I wouldn’t take the word of this doctor. I’d get those mammograms read and re-read by other doctors, and also have breast ultrasound. I’d want to know, is this lobular “carcinoma” (which isn’t carcinoma at all) or ductal carcinoma?

Lobular (not)
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/treatment/breast/HealthProfessional/page6

ductal (maybe)
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/treatment/breast/HealthProfessional/page5

The bad girls of breast cancer:
http://www.bcaction.org/
http://bcaction.org/index.php?page=newly-diagnosed

Great that your mom has you. I would say best of luck, but it’s not luck she needs. It’s demanding the science and not doing anything more than is absolutely necessary. Breast surgeons always will do as much as possible, for the higher fee.

15. factcheckme - March 14, 2010

just posting an update. she went to another state and had the mams re-read, turns out BOTH SIDES were positive. so the fucking florida docs read the films wrong, first of all. they thought only one side was positive, and made the mistake twice because she had the films re-shot and they had 2 sets of films from 2 different days to review. the florida docs were also going to perform a very invasive procedure (but only on the one side). turns out she had a less-invasive procedure, had it on both sides, and both sides turned out to be noncancerous. thanks for reading.

16. diana - March 20, 2010

Wow, whatt ride, whatta horrible ride they took your mother, and you and your family, on! I’m thrilled to have really fully discovered your blog, but still more thrilled that your mother is OK!


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