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3 Women Show December 3, 2011

Posted by FCM in kids, PIV, rape, thats mean, thats random.
Tags: , ,

the other day, i went to the movies with nigel.  we sat on the end of a row that was filled with 13-year old girls and three adult female chaperones that i saw, it was kind of dark and i actually think their group extended into the next row too.  so there were probably more adult women but i only saw three.  anyway, there were 2 empty seats on the end, and we were obviously about to take them: the three adult women looked at us as we were about to sit down.  nigel moved like he was going to go into the row and sit down first, next to the last girl, with me next to him on the end.  i could tell that the women did not like that, i could sense this easily, but even before i had consciously noted that, i had already decided that i would push past him and sat down next to the last girl, forcing him to sit on the end.  this was very fluid and nothing that wouldve been noticed by anyone observing, or even by nigel.  it really wasnt anything out of the ordinary at all, no more than breathing, really.  i had connected psychically with 3 women i didnt even know.

did i mention that im psychic?  cause i am.  i can also see the future, and alter the course of history: if nigel had sat down next to the girl on the end instead of me, i absolutely know that one of the women wouldve traded seats with the girl so no girl would be sitting next to an adult man in the dark for 2 hours in a crowded movie theater.

so anyway, the course of history having been altered, the women relaxed and stopped paying attention to us completely.  all women reading this anecdote know why.  the ones who dont want to believe it know why, the ones who love men know why, the ones who hate men know why.  the ones who hate me know why.  the readers who are men…well who knows what delusion they are privileged enough to live under.  women know the truth.  they can deny it at their peril, but thats not the same as not knowing it.

and as everyone who is being honest here knows, these 3 women did not want an adult man sitting next to one of the girls, because of what men are known to do to girls: men sexually abuse girls, and devastate girls and womens lives.  and men do this often.  this is obvious, its contextual, and its true.

the 3 women at the theater that day were not unusual women.  they were just women.  female-bodied persons.  with all the senses of human beings, and the memory of human beings too.  and the ability to cognate, synthesize, and make connections.  like all humans, and perhaps some other animals too although i dont know.  all women know this, all women have a shared, lived experience because they are female, they have these concerns and they maneuver and negotiate at all times so that they and the girls they are caring for can be as safe as possible from men because they know what men do.  this is womens reality.  all womens reality.

now, being your completely-usual woman, knowing what she knows and what all women know, i wouldnt be at all surprised if many or even most pregnant-women take a few moments to consider, once she realizes shes been impregnated and that the fetus is male, that this boy-fetus she is carrying is very likely to be the worst-possible thing to ever happen to another womans girl-fetus.  that this male child, even if he never abuses a person in his entire life, will end up ruining one woman or many womens lives by sticking his dick into them and wreaking havoc in their lives that will never compare to any other horror or any other trauma or any other tragedy: it will be greater, and more constant and worse, and it will never be remedied.  that this fetus will ruin womens lives, and thats a given, even if he doesnt do anything “wrong” because this is the paradigm under which we currently live, and thats the truth of it.

women know what we know.  women are watching and paying attention, and behaving in accordance with what they know, and altering the course of history one way or another, and this cannot be stopped.  like the women in the movie theater, they absolutely cannot be stopped.  they might nod and smile and pay lip service, but they will keep doing what they are doing and they will never stop doing it.  all women know what men do and what they are.  this gives me hope.


1. smash - December 3, 2011

FCM, I know exactly what you are talking about in the movie theater scenario. All women do, I think. You’re right on here.

2. Mary Sunshine - December 3, 2011

But: those same women groom the daughters into heterosexuality, and *also* leave those same daughters unattended with male family members.

And: any guy trying to sit beside a 13-year-old girl in a movie theatre is a member of some *family*. Which most likely will include “underage” girls. Any of whose mother will leave her alone with him withount a second thought.

FCM - December 3, 2011

yes mary, they will. but it doesnt mean they dont know what they know. its not a matter of denial, or at least not totally, which seems hopeful to me. denial is very difficult to break through. i think its a matter of having other options, which is *relatively* easy to fix, i think. isnt it?

FCM - December 3, 2011

its not a matter of denial, and its also not a matter of “does not compute” or blindness to whats going on. it DOES compute, very much so. heterosexual grooming is very much tied to the realization that men rape. better to have your daughter owned (and raped) by one man and not all men. yes?

FCM - December 3, 2011

also, im kinda just taking inventory here. what do we have on our side? well, i think the fact that we can never go “too far” and knowing that that phrase is meaningless is a boundary we can work within. 🙂 and i think the fact that all women already know what men are all about is something we can use to our advantage. unlike the fun fems and thier exhausting mental gymnastics, like trying to convince people that men have abortions too or whatever, we have reality and the lived experience of 3.5 billion women on our side. we also have language and the plain meaning of words. i dont know what can be done with all of this, but its better than the alternative? i guess?

3. SheilaG - December 4, 2011

This is such an excellent every day illustration of just how clued in women are, and how the protection of girls in movie theaters is assumed. It means every woman there instantly knew that you don’t ever let girls be subject to adult men in places where the adult men will sexually use the girl.

It’s automatic, it’s instantly understood…. this moment of unity is within all women all the time. So all women know this stuff, and act on it in situations like this. The problem is when male voices are nearby. In this case, there was only one adult man. Women lose the power to collectively unit quickly like this when they think men are listening, or they feel silenced by men.
And the disconnect is they knew instantly that no adult man should make a girl feel creepy all through a movie. However, women let down their guards and have no idea of the danger their boyfriends or husbands pose to the rest of the world, or to girls or boys in the family.

I see this incredible disconnect in work situations, where really creepy men, do really creepy silently hostile things, then go home to wives and family, and the wives seem unaware just how shut down and creepy their husbands really are on the job… where the wives don’t see what they do to o other women in the office. The Herman Cain Syndrome, and his wife Gloria, who has to know what he’s been up to all these years….

This story actually gives me hope that women can move quickly and collectively, that they assume male danger lurking, and they neutralize the danger without a word spoken. Now that is true sisterhood!

FCM - December 4, 2011

yes. 🙂 i am 100% certain that they wouldve neutralized the danger, even if i hadnt stepped in and removed it first. they were ON IT. and so was i. i cared more about the comfort of the girls and women than protecting nigel’s male privilege to sit where he damn pleased, even though i am actually 100% sure that he would never molest a girl in a movie theater. i know he wouldnt. but other women should not have to trust my assessment. i think we can NOT allow other girls and women to be encroached upon by our own nigels male privilege to be oblivious to things like that. its kind of the least we can do isnt it? like, the very least?

i agree that women act on this knowledge effortlessly and without second guessing or censorship, AS LONG AS there arent lots of men around crying about how unfair it all is to teh poor mens. yet another excellent reason to keep the male population in check.

4. Rusty - December 5, 2011

This post resonated a lot with me, thank you for writing it. 

Since being introduced to gender identity politics a few years ago and hearing of men who feel like they’re women inside, I’ve been desperately trying to understand what that might mean. I figured that I only really “feel like” a woman when a man treats me like one, but this post reminded me of all those moments when I feel like a woman because of the implicit, unspoken understandings among us.  Those many many moments of solidarity when we protect one another from men, or at least empathize & understand when they behave defensively, often with no words exchanged, and even when we know there is no imminent harm.

I used to be a regular at a local bar that was delightfully woman-friendly, but on occasion the bartender and I would be the only women in the room full of drinking men.  I would stay until another woman came in and could take my place so that the bartender was never the only woman there.  This was never discussed explicitly, but I know that other women patrons did the same thing and the bartenders would thank us for “sticking around.” 

When I hear men talk about feeling like a woman, these are not the things they’re talking about. They talk about being into stereotypically girly things instead of what they were “supposed” to be into. I don’t think they even realize that these moments exist – how could they? We don’t talk about it, we just know it,  and we do it all the time for each other. 

FCM - December 5, 2011

yes thats exactly right: women have these moments all the time that are completely imperceptible to men. men have no idea what its like to be female in patriarchy. they only know what its like to be male in patriarchy, wherever they may fall on the male hierarchy they are still men. women have developed a 6th sense about men and we can communicate with each other. it really is fascinating. there is an additional level of “reality” including thought, action and communication happening all the time that men are completely unaware of, because they dont have to be aware of it. they are extremely privileged to be the source of our suffering, but they do not have access to this “reality” or these communications, thoughts and actions and they never will.

there are a lot of articles here on trans stuff if you are interested in reading more. i dont write about it as much as i used to, but there is tremendous overlap between the misogyny of trans politics and your garden variety misogyny women experience every day, not the least of which is the understanding by men and the male medical machine that vaginas are just fuckholes to be penetrated by men. this is what they believe, so its not a stretch to go from there to creating fake vaginas out of penis and scrotal tissue and calling it the real thing. to them, women are castrated men with a fuckhole between our legs. we are a function to them, we are a sock and they are the foot. we are so inconsequential to the male world in fact that they believe that “woman” can be reduced to a feeling men have, a delusion men have. if you are a male-bodied person and you have this “feeling” you can be a woman, and real women are supposed to let you into the locker room penis and all, to be naked around our girl children. and we arent allowed to say anything about it officially. of course, women would respond privately in our own way if a man like this was observed in a sex-segregated space, perhaps especially if there were children around. this response by female-bodied persons cannot be stopped, i dont think.

in the end, transwomen and MRAs are identical in every way. in every single way. they should just get a room and be done with it. the only thing they love is OTHER MEN and they worship the cock unabashedly, both literally and figuratively. when they worship each other and patriarchal institutions, they are worshiping men and the cock. its so obvious what and who they love. they should leave women and children out of it.

5. SheilaG - December 5, 2011

i know he wouldnt. but other women should not have to trust my assessment. i think we can NOT allow other girls and women to be encroached upon by our own nigels male privilege to be oblivious to things like that. its kind of the least we can do isnt it? like, the very least?”

This statement says it all, what every woman needs to GET. No other woman should ever have to “trust” your assessment of a husband or boyfriend or male close friend ever. Women’s safety comes first. It is women’s misguided idea that their man is the exception, and that other women should have to put up with it. In this case, the girls in the movie theater.

And for me, it is a lot of social situations where I don’t even know why women bring their husbands or boyfriends because they contribute zero to the conversation, they hold women back, and I don’t trust them period, because they bring porn dog energy everywhere these days.

All women: other women don’t trust men around girls, or even among other women— so it is imperative that all women protect each other, whether it is staying with the woman bartender, not letting Nigel sit anywhere he wants in a movie theater or bringing a man to a normally women’s social event.
Just don’t do it!!

FCM - December 5, 2011

yes, some nigels are more dangerous than others. some are mostly worthy of the positive assessment and some definitely arent, and for others its just too soon to tell. for all those women knew, this was nigel and my first date and i didnt know anything about him. i agree that women bring dangerous men into situations they shouldnt, and they make these assessments half-heartedly, or they are with nigel in the first place bc they dont have anywhere else to go. this is not a good reason to let a man near your kids, or around anyones kids. women have many reasons for being with men, and in general, the men being stand-up guys is pretty fucking far down that list.

FCM - December 5, 2011

also, i would add that men let other men around their children all the time, and men know better than anyone what men do to children and to everyone else. this is of course deliberate: they dont complain about other men having access to children bc they dont want their OWN access to be curbed in any way; men also demonstrably benefit from other men sexually abusing both girls and boys. sexually abused girls become porn stars and sexually available women (among other things), while sexually abused boys are damaged and feminized so pose less of a threat to older men, who run the institutions of patriarchy which benefit all men. (i credit zeph for this insight on how sexually abusing boys supports the patriarchy). its a right tidy package, and no man wants this to end.

6. witchwind - December 5, 2011

It’s interesting to see these moments women experience as opposed to how trans claim they ‘feel like a women’. (even this issue itself is in itself male centric, cause women aren’t obsessed with prooving everybody that they feel like a women and getting people to validate their status as women – cause they already are women and they have other things to worry about). It shows how stupid it is to try to imitate experiences of oppression, especially coming from the oppressor.

“in the end, transwomen and MRAs are identical in every way. in every single way.”

Yes, I’ve always thought of Trans as MRAs in dress! It’s actually so caricatural. They’re the MRA Trojan Horse. Women claim independence, and what do they do? Dress up as women to make sure no women ever has the possibility to claim a space of her own, with no men, to make sure men’s definition of women always prevails over women’s self-definition, autonomy, experiences, etc. Men dream of replacing women, of annihilating us completely. It’s a women point zero project.

I love your snowflakes by the way!

FCM - December 5, 2011

yes its that time of year again: the wordpress “special snowflake” blog snow! 🙂 as for MRAs and transwomen being the same, as if anyone needed more proof, check out mainspainin’ and transplainin. pretty much says it all.


FCM - December 5, 2011

also, heres a mommy blogger who DARED threaten mens male privilege to be left alone with girl children, including escorting them to the bathroom, and having access to the girls genitals. the MRAs descended and threatened her and her kids. she apologized for having spread the misinformation that men are threatening to women and children. bahahaha! she is my new she-ro, for reals. MRAs are so fucking stupid.


7. SheilaG - December 5, 2011

just checked mansplainin’ transplainin’— a guy calls Mdm. Curie a “Girl Scientist” just like Einstein is a “Boy Scientist” — nope, MtTrans are men all right. No woman I know ever called famous women in science “Girl Scientists” nor did they call Einstein a “boy scientist” either. Their language remains woman demeaning to the very end.

And men are sexualizing girls all the time, thus creating a ready supply of porn stars and prostitutes in the future… a neat little trick. 80% of prostitutes were sexually abused as children… and that includes gay male prostitutes as well. So no, we don’t want men unsupervised around any children, and men who allow other men access to their kids are just aiding and abetting… rather like the guy who witnessed the boy rape by Sandusky, and didn’t stop it or report it to police. It’s why males cover for sexually tresspassing males, why catholic bishops cover for their child raping priests, and why gay males think it’s fine for male to trans to invade lesbian spaces in the LGBT non-profit, non-feminist world out there.

8. Alouette - December 6, 2011

Hello, I’m delurking because this seemed like an appropriate time to introduce an idea that’s been on my mind for a couple months now.

Couldn’t this concept of small actions of female solidarity and female defiance, especially in public places, be expanded upon and used to our advantage? By that, I mean changing the way we interact in the world with radical intent behind our (seemingly benign) actions.

For instance, I’m at an age where men are in constant aggressive pursuit of piv. Now, full disclosure, I am a lesbian. (at least, in the “female homosexual” sense of the word) Obviously I’m uninterested. However, I don’t disclose that information to the men that hit on me. I simply say “no thank you” and consider the conversation to be over. No drawn-out discords about an imaginary boyfriend or why I won’t take take their numbers whatsoever. My female (and male, no doubt) friends have taken notice, and I’ve encouraged them to be more assertive in this way.

Something women who cohabitate with men could do as a stepping stone to withdrawing their free labor is discontinue either cooking or cleaning up after men and older boy children full stop, even if that means eating microwave dinners or living in filth indefinitely. Just one chore would be better than nothing.

I apologize if this all seems scatterbrained or off topic; I’ll admit that I’m new to radfem and feminism in general, but I do get frustrated at times reading these posts without getting a clear answer on how to implement this knowledge in reality. I understand that radfem is mostly theory-based, but surely reform structured within a radical, as opposed to a funfem “equality,” framework will result in different approaches to things like female-specific harm? These past few months I have been very mindful of my actions and thoughts, and I’ve found that doing so energizes my faith that there are indeed ways to maintain a radical mindset when existing in a patriarchal environment.

9. SheilaG - December 8, 2011

I’d say the free labor bit would end if women stopped living with men.
All women who live with men are providing free labor… it is so deeply engrained in women to do this, that it passes as invisible. If you live with men, you are the source of free labor, no exceptions.

FCM - December 8, 2011

well, i dont think that radical intent matters, not in a practical sense. i do think that there are behaviors and practices that in aggregate comprise oppressive institutions that disadvantage women as a sexual class, around the world. these behaviors and practices are: INDIVIDUAL MEN DEMANDING PIV; individual men demanding womens domestic labor; individual men demanding womens reproductive labor; individual men committing violence against women. etc etc.

in aggregate, women voluntarily participating in any of the above does not harm women as a sexual class around the world. does it? in other words, if all women who are currently having voluntary PIV stopped, would the harms of PIV to women as a sexual class around the world end? of course not. the women who are being harmed the most would get no benefit from that at all, bc the ones who are being harmed the most are the ones who ARENT voluntarily engaging in it in the first place. so while i think you can vastly improve your own life by removing PIV from the equasion, in the end i dont think its radical. no individual solution is radical, and especially not one that IN AGGREGATE would change nothing for women as a class. frighteningly, this appears to leave men in charge of affecting radical change, to the extent that their individual action, or non-action, when taken in aggregate would change things for women globally. and obviously, it would. not sure what we can do with that though, as i said its pretty frightening to think about!


10. cherryblossomlife - December 9, 2011

I do think withdrawing energy from men will have a culmilative effect and will weaken men’s power somewhat, as long as you can get enough women on board. But I agree that individual solutions aren’t good enough. Having said that, it’s not that the only alternative solution is to rely on men to stop sucking our energy, labour and life source vampiristically: they’re never going to stop doing that. It’s that we need to get better *organized* as women.

*”they are extremely privileged to be the source of our suffering, but they do not have access to this “reality” or these communications, thoughts and actions and they never will.*

As I read this, all of a sudden I felt that being a woman is like being in a secret club that men will never be privy to. Men who claim to be women are the *least* likely human beings to ever get what being a woman is actually about.

11. SheilaG - December 9, 2011

They are the least likely to get what women are really about Cherryblossom, because they are only immitating a patriarchal image of women. Male to trans are immitating a male imposed femininity that is fake in the first place. It’s like making a photo copy of a beautiful water color, and then calling it a real painting. The photocopy reveals no texture, it’s not the same painting at all.

So MtoTrans are copies of a patriarchal model, the oppressive model sanctioned by the male controlled fashion industry. It’s black face and minstrel shows all around.

How this would all change does begin with women withdrawing energy from men, step by step. You can do this easily within women only groups, because if it is women only, you are actually interacting away from energy male vampires. Het women really are the linchpin here. Radical lesbians have been saying this for decades, and we obviously have carved out a life that doesn’t include waiting on men in our own homes.

It is up to het women to break out of the colonized homes, and some are doing this. But mostly, het women hate lesbians for even talking about this stuff. Again, we can only do things on a small scale, but we do have amazing political insights, because we’ve been together for decades, living lives where men don’t exist.

FCM - December 9, 2011

if anything, i think that we need to think “in aggregate” when we make individual tweaks (or major revisions) to our own lives, or when trying to figure out how to best spend our time and energy. if the PIV-as-sex paradigm ended, womens lot in life globally would change. if women stopped giving their energy to men and used it to better the lives of girls and women, including supporting girls and women so we didnt have to rely on men or patriarchal institutions like marriage, womens lives would change globally. as far as individual solutions go, i think those are pretty good.

thinking “in aggregate” also exposes fun-fem bullshit individual solutions for what they are. for example, if all women were giving “enthusiastic consent” to XYZ with men globally, would womens lot in life change? i think we all know the answer to that. interestingly, if you think about “if all women had access to birth control” would womens lot in life globally be different than it is today? yes, it might. women would also be killed or punished for using it, where their cultures do not allow it, or they would be punished for being barren or not producing enough children, and they would still be fuckholes and rape-holes for men. even if every woman alive did what the fun-fems believe is revolutionary, this is what we would be left with. obviously, this is not good enough, and its stupid to think that it is.

12. witchwind - December 10, 2011

if anything, i think that we need to think “in aggregate” when we make individual tweaks (or major revisions) to our own lives, or when trying to figure out how to best spend our time and energy. if the PIV-as-sex paradigm ended, womens lot in life globally would change. if women stopped giving their energy to men and used it to better the lives of girls and women, including supporting girls and women so we didnt have to rely on men or patriarchal institutions like marriage, womens lives would change globally. as far as individual solutions go, i think those are pretty good.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about this individual/vs collective question lately, and I find it quite difficult to untangle. But I like the way you put it here above, the individual with the “aggregate” in mind. Perhaps that’s always how I experienced it, because I find it impossible to separate out the individual from the collective. It’s moving toward oneself as much as it’s moving towards other women, working on freeing our own mind and body from male vampirism and doing so by also creating spaces for women in general. If you don’t first go through the individual questioning, it’s difficult to then make it possible to build something with other women. And vice versa, consciousness is also gained by talking to other women, exchanging experiences, listening, doing things together.

In my experience, everything happened at once: raised consciousness, retrieval from giving energy to men, working on my relation to my body, myself and others, changing my behaviour, trying to strip inculcated femininity away from my habits, try to practice equal horizontal relationships on a day to day basis, learn to love myself and other women, regain confidence and self-respect, read as much about feminism as I humanly can, do day to day activism, actions, demonstrations, take part in women’s centres work and learn about DV, rape, prostitution, patriarchal mechanisms, raise awareness through videos and interventions, etc.
All this happened together at the same time, I wouldn’t be able to differentiate the individual process from the collective, everything is linked.

For instance, me just carrying around my feminist self around (I always only ever talk about feminism and react immediately to misogyny when I hear/see it) has had a very strong impact on my friends and family, and certainly changed the views and practices of quite a few people. When you chage individually it affects the people around you, who in their turn may affect other people around them too.
The funfem individualism is different, in that it pretends that patriarchy doesn’t exist, and only individuals exist in a social vacuum. That individual behaviour isn’t influenced by a pervading system. That’s total patriarchal bullsh**, it’s always tried to make itself invisible from the oppressed, and reverse the responsibility.

13. cherryblossomlife - December 10, 2011

Some good news (from a radfem perspective)
From a Guardian article:

“Divorce rates have gone up for the first time in seven years, sparking fears that money worries are leading to family breakdowns.”

Fears? Who is afraid that too many women are throwing in the towel?

“The numbers of people divorcing are the equivalent of one couple parting for every two that marry each year.”

“ONS statistician Liz McLaren says the figures are surprising because marriage rates are going down: the 231,490 in 2009 is the lowest rate since records began in 1850”

And as we all know, the overwhelming majority of divorces are instigated by women.


Witchwind, I agree that it’s definitely worth making individual changes, but I think it’s better to focus on collective solutions. For example, I’ve only ever been attacked sexually once in my life, and that was when I was going through my “resisting femininity” phase, and when my feminist consciousness was at its max.
I have now reverted back to femininity, which makes me much safer (or at least it feels like that) and it means my job is more secure, and men are “kinder” to me, which is what I need right now. I like to think I’m “playing along” a bit while I’m planning the next coup with my sisters. Stealth mode can be quite effective sometimes.

14. cherryblossomlife - December 10, 2011

To clarify: I’m not saying I need men’s kindness!
I’m saying there is a marked difference between the way men treat you when it’s clear you’re “trying” in the femininity department, and when you’re behaving as though you don’t give a toss what they think. Sometimes, for your security, it’s better to comply :(( As long as you’re not complying inside

15. SheilaG - December 10, 2011

Funny, I’ve never worn make-up, I never do “femininity”, I never male please or role play to fit in to feminine norms… none of that ever. I have never been raped, and the few times men have dared to attack me, I kicked the s out of them. I studied martial arts when I was younger.
Men these days leave me alone. I can go to a local bar, and men will literally not sit near me at all, while individual women come in and sit next to me. I think it’s an energy thing. I hate men, find them worthless, and they know it. They just stay away. My job is the same, I achieve regardless of any male, I just keep on, knowing the secret is radical lesbian butch pride, and I love it! If you’ve never been straight, you simply don’t play those stupid games ever.

16. cherryblossomlife - December 10, 2011

But there is nothing women can do to prevent an attack, one way or another. Femininity makes you less of a target in some cases; in other cases, more of a target.

I do think women should resist femininity as much as possible.

17. cherryblossomlife - December 10, 2011

ONline translation.
THat would be my dream job. No interaction with men, no need to get out of your pyjamas.

18. Alouette - December 10, 2011

I think what I was getting at is a model of separatism that can be applied in a domestic setting. (so, not real separatism, but a system that restores female cooperation resulting in far less reliance on men) Imagine women en masse burning coal in their home chimneys in contrast to an immense woman-run power plant. The latter is, of course, more desirable and effective, while the former is easier to achieve.

Practical applications of this principle already have been mentioned by some of the regulars of this blog, like the suggestion for spare rooms. Just the other day I was on a mainstream feminist blog and saw someone remark that women would be so much more liberated if the government subsidized childcare. Then it hit me that this is something women could readily manage themselves. A large network of women could effectively “borrow” children as determined by availability of households. I’ve seen this work on a much smaller scale with a group of church ladies. The only question is how to enact it. A website, perhaps based in a good candidate city where women aren’t too invested in commercialized daycare?

SheilaG is certainly right that women only groups are a crucial step towards withdrawing energy from men. Locally, I think the initial problem of getting away from men (including trans) would be easy enough to solve with the same concept of rotating households. The issue would be trans attempting to infiltrate larger meetups. Maybe the solution would again be a local one; only those who verified by other FAAB women would be invited. You know, almost a reification of the secret club CherryBlossom mentioned.

19. cherryblossomlife - December 10, 2011

Alouette, the British government has put a legislation in place to prevent women from doing just that. Last year (I think it was) they passed a paper saying you weren’t allowed to care for a child that wasn’t your own on a casual basis. (Paid childminders and professionals excluded). It means women can’t share childcare amongst themselves with their friends. They say it’s to protect children, but I think (naturally) that the decision was made to oppress women

20. cherryblossomlife - December 10, 2011

Oh here it is:
They passed the law in 2006 to say that if you were looking after another person’s child you had to go through the official channels, get paid and have criminal record checks, and home inspections. THis made it practically impossible for a mother to simply drop her child off at a friend’s house, or at the friendly granny’s down the road.
But in 2009 they reversed it and now you *are* allowed to look after your friend’s children.

The quality of women’s lives depends on the quibbling of the men in power.

21. SheilaG - December 10, 2011

What works for us is always private groups. I have never heard a lesbian feminist ever say ‘Geez we have too many women only groups in this town!”
The fact is, there are enough of them, and certainly radfem women’s groups are scarce as hen’s teeth.

Separatism is not just about no men ever… there are men everywhere you go. But it is about energy and focus. Who do you pay attention to, who do you give your energy to.

Some simple things— in a restaurant you can ask for a waitress. Or if you have a male, you can tip 25% less, and tip women 25% more. It’s a little bit of extra math, but you can literally redistribute the wealth.

Separatism is about energy, and withdrawing energy is a practice, and you get very good at it. The thing is to be aware of how much energy men are stealing from women everywhere, and it’s good to observe this.

You can also practice saying NO to men everywhere. Anytime a man comes up to me, I say NO, before he has a chance to do anything. This powerful preemptive action just makes them go away.

It becomes so much of a habit that your mannerism change gradually, and now men just stay away. All women can be attacked, but that’s the point, all women are under attack all the time by men. Femininity won’t save you, being nice won’t save you… but you can change one step at a time.

And oddly enough, this attitude increased my income not decreased it. So monitarily it is effective too, because I’m not giving my wealth away to men, who were stealing it anyway.

22. Alouette - December 12, 2011

“The quality of women’s lives depends on the quibbling of the men in power.”

Indeed. Thank you for the link, Cherry. It’s disgusting the lengths men will go to cripple our ability to collaborate without their interference and isolate us from each other. Still, it doesn’t surprise me. I’ll be on the lookout for similar regulation. Hopefully this hasn’t caught on elsewhere.

Sheila, I’ve seen you suggest some of those preemptives, which are great, by the way. Out of them all, I’d agree the most important is saying no. For me, it became a necessity at 11 when I couldn’t take the short walk home without pedophilic males literally stopping traffic in order to lure me into their vehicles. Women everywhere will benefit from practicing this little magic word. Just say no to men!

23. Christie - December 12, 2011

One unfortunate day my husband stated that I had it made since I no longer worked and was home all day pregnant and ill with morning sickness that went on ALL day long. I replied that he was now going to pay me a fee of $10,000 to give birth to his child. It was a small percentage of the wages I was no longer recieving. If he did not pay I would sell his child on the black market and get much more money…especially since I believed that child was a MALE and would get TOP DOLLAR!

He said how could I even say such a thing about my child and I said how you speak to the mother of your child with such disrespect. I insisted he pay me the $10,000 to make sure he got my message. He treasured his child as most men treasure their shiny new car.
In retrospect I should have demanded more…he got a great deal.

FCM - December 13, 2011

yes, $10K is not even minimum wage. not sure when you struck this deal and what minimum wage was then, but regardless, it wasnt worth it in monetary terms considering that you are carrying the fetus 24/7. there is no adequate way to measure the worth of womens work (it subsidizes the entire economy and the entire economy would fail without it) so they do the next best thing: they say its worthless, and pay you nothing. gee thanks doods. and the fun-fems are waiting for men to give us stuff, why, again?

24. Yisheng Qingwa - January 25, 2012

Oh wow, Sheila, I read your comments here a while back, and have been tipping men shitty ever since! What a hoot; I delight in it. And, I’ve been tipping women twice as much. 😀

FCM - January 25, 2012

🙂 well done doctress. thats awesome.

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