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Attempting to Mitigate the Forseeable Consequences (to Women) of PIV and Dangerous Male Sexuality Through the Ages. A Slideshow! July 9, 2010

Posted by FCM in authors picks, health, liberal dickwads, PIV, politics, pop culture, rape, sorry!.
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mmmm. absorbent.

h/t to newsweek for its recent “history of birth control” slideshow.

throughout the ages, women have tried to avoid becoming impregnated by men by various ingenious painful and barbaric ways.  so, so painful.  and so, so barbaric.  because as much as women dont tend to get off on PIV anyway, they are even less interested in bearing the spawn of their abusers i mean lovers most times.  sponges apparently are one of the oldest methods, as well as one of the more effective ones.  so effective that a version of “the sponge” survived well into the 20th century, where at one point it disappeared from the shelves not because it wasnt effective or much-cherished by consumers i mean women, but because it was no longer profitable to produce…but now (apparently) it is, because its back.  absorbent!

change slide…(click?  or something)

chastity belt

okay, so this one wasnt really meant to avoid pregnancy, and no woman would probably voluntarily have subjected herself to one (before BDSM that is.  yay!)  but you have to admit…if your torturer i mean owner i mean husband/father was going to make you wear one of these, one of the benefits of it was that women couldnt get pregnant (presumably being immune to both PIV and rape too) while wearing it.  pre-somewhat-reliable birth control, perhaps women deliberately hid the keys to this monstrous contraption?  lesser of two evils and all that.  i think i would have seriously considered it.  note the “small holes for passage of urine and feces.”  sexxxay!  yay PIV!  (once again proving that PIV isnt sex, because its not sexy, at all.  for women that is).

change slide…

the women: assuming we really acted like this and were drawn true to life by the artist, we are only giggling and acting coquettish because we eroticise PIV, which is not inherently erotic, because we have to. otherwise, our husbands wont touch or engage us, in any real way.

the condom.  because men are entitled to PIV-on-demand, dammit, but they also dont want to get stuck paying child support, and dont want to “catch” anything from those nasty whores.  eventually, these were made of latex…because putting a known allergen and irritant on mucous-membranes then rubbing furiously sounds like a great idea.  you know, for those of us who *dont* have mucous-membranes on (in) their genitals.  ie. teh menz.

change slide…

and these next ones just look extremely painful…and in fact the IUD of the 1970s was known to kill women, causing pelvic inflammatory disease, and eventually sepsis.  and *these* IUDs werent even the “modern” ones.  ugh.

the cervical ping-pong ball

the cervical…thumbscrew? rivet? bloody discharge included, i am sure.

complete with an ad for lysol.  how fitting.  particularly since lysol was once billed as a contraceptive in itself (and was later “determined” to cause severe burns to the vagina, vulva, and cervix.  and not to reduce the risk of pregnancy AT ALL.  duh).  and lysol-brand continues to both create and satisfy womens desire to spray disinfectant literally everywhere to alleviate their anxiety that something is very, very wrong.  (and again, it doesnt work.  because womens anxiety has nothing to do with germs.  no, it doesnt).

click!  (or something, whatever)

the pill. because theres nothing sexier than deep-vein thrombosis, or a stroke. especially for women over 35, or those who smoke, or are exposed to secondhand smoke. because old (!) women, and women who work in bowling alleys dont matter, really. who cares?

the pill.  bring on the sexual revolution, right?  anyone here old enough to remember this revolution?  did we win?  or, let me ask it another way: do women have the right to refuse to engage in PIV?  do we?  because *thats* the revolution i am waiting for.  not-engaging-in-PIV is also really effective as birth control.  and NO, i am not advocating abstinence, you twits (if any are reading…and judging from the traffic i am still getting from the fun fems and transwomen, THEY ARE).  i am saying that PIV isnt sex.  no, its not.

moving on…

well who cares right?  this was all in the past.  you know, womens history. ie. its over, and it never really mattered anyway.  we have new, awesome-er forms of birth control i mean damage control now.  yay synthetic hormones!  yay flat-bellied teenagers and twenty-somethings doping themselves up on magic pills that make their boobs bigger.  (the situation for women over 35 has not improved).  how modern!  how sexxay!

and (dont forget!!!!111!1) now we have the “right to choose” too…so long as we “choose” to continue engaging in PIV, and dont question mens entitlement to place us in harms way through dangerous, male-centric sexuality, at all.  and even then, there are those who would *still* force us to gestate and birth, against our wills.  and take care of the “kids” too.  you know, after we had all that PIV against our will, and got knocked up against our will too:

clearly, there just wasnt room in this montage for a picture of a blood clot stuck in your lung, or a gangrenous colon causing your untimely and gruesome death. i guess that will be in the next ad?

so long as you choose to continue eroticising PIV, we MIGHT give you the choice not to continue an unwanted pregnancy. you do NOT get to choose to be unavailable for PIV however. thats not part of the deal!

and last but not least…

sorry, ladies.  i really, really am.  but we have not come a long way.  at all.  in fact, this vintage cartoon sums it all up pretty well, and illustrates perfectly that things havent changed, for women.  at all.  on the upside, i hope you enjoyed the slideshow!!!!111!1

we’ve come along way. baby.