A Final Analysis

this might be a multi-part post, im not sure yet!  recently ive become aware that there are costs to doing this kind of work, and that this should never be ignored or minimized.  i have therefore been applying a cost-benefit analysis to my own involvement in this “movement” — in general, this is something women are never (ever, ever) supposed to do.  in no circumstances ever, anywhere in life, are we supposed or allowed to consider what XYZ is costing us, and whether its worth it to us.  we are the only actors in any economy whose work has no value, and when we are harmed it is not harmful.  for my part, i have very publically utilized the cost-benefit analysis in other areas, and now im applying it to this one — whether or not to continue blogging here or anywhere.

to be clear, i consider “magic” to be a benefit, as well as creativity and change, so its not a matter of playing Economist in any obvious or obviously male ($) sense, just in a balancing sense.  the cost-benefit model is a natural model that follows natural law, not mens law.  or, it is if you do it right.

it seems to me that at this point, there is very little to be gained in comparison to what is being lost and what it is costing me (and “us”) in continuing down this road.  to wit, modding a high-volume, priority-target blog has always been a chore whose cost is only outweighed where there are plenty of good comments coming in, inspiring new work.  spinning and spiraling, in other words.  where comments are down for whatever reason, modding and otherwise maintaining this space becomes very costly.  thats not the only issue, but it is the final issue for anyone who is interested in analyzing cost/benefit, which i obviously am.

as additional context, and i am only repeating myself here, in my experience, and as confirmed by the writing/experiences of women who came before, once you get to a certain point in your radical consciousness, the “movement” spits you out like a bad fig.  just squirts you right out, and “masticating” would not be a bad analogy for what “it” does to you right before.  testing your resolve, seeing if you might be broken or broken down and whether or not you can be molded and made more palatable, or made palatable again.  and probably other things.  there are very few of us afterall, and some of us are interested in numbers.  those of us who have lost our figginess or potential figginess or whatever are of no use to those who are making money off this, or who are doing it to win friends and influence (large numbers of) people or any other patriarchal agenda.  which is not really a surprise now is it?

and in the end, if you arent a fig or a particularly palatable fig, youre a nut (or the gray, unappetizing pudding which is fun-feminism) — ask any exiled radfem/revolting ex-reformist.  the nuts, apparently, are those who come to certain conclusions about men and maleness, and who reject “palatability” and politicking on feminist grounds because they hold no promise to free us.

and for reasons i am beginning to completely (even intimately) understand, the “nuts” arent generally commenting on radfem blogs, or having anything whatsoever to do with “radical feminism” or with what i am calling “figgishness” which is no more and no less than a product bought and sold.  thats the bottom line really, for me, as a radfem blogger/modder and creator/co-creator of this space, which was always partially or mostly purposed by/toward conversation and advancing radical thought.

i will, of course, leave the archives intact, and will accept comments below, as long as people are discussing.  and i may (or may not) write a followup post.  thanks for reading and contributing (spinning and spiraling) to femonade!