Mansplaining Porn, and What “Reality” Looks Like From Doodbro Land October 21, 2010

i have linked to this before, as the most egregious example of mansplaining i have heard to date: a male “sex therapist and relationship counselor” (yes thats a full three red-flags) mansplaining to women who are offended that their husbands use porn, why they *shouldnt* feel that way, even though they do.  apparently, if we could just see it through a mans eyes, it wouldnt seem so problematic!  oh, and “porn” is the same thing as “masturbation” and masturbation is healthy, therefore so is porn.  you know, according to the title.  yes, even the lowly copy editors are in on it, and completely invested in seeing porn as unproblematic:

For many guys porn is basically a 30-second spa day, complete with happy ending: It feels good, relieves stress and functions as a quick little treat — kind of like scarfing down a bag of Gummi Bears in the middle of the day. It doesn’t mean we’re not interested in having “a real meal” with the woman we love, but sometimes we’re in the mood for a snack.

thanks for mansplaining that, doctor!  much like listening to fun-fems and transactivists speaking, i sometimes actually enjoy listening to mansplanations on various topics, because we are getting it from the horses mouth: what its like to “be a man” and what reality looks like, from where they are standing.  you know, assuming they arent lying about all of it of course, and making shit up to deliberately obfuscate certain truths.  but given the utter earnestness of most doodsplainers, who seem to actually believe the shit thats coming out of their own mouths, lets just pretend for a moment that they are accurately describing “reality” as they know it, and as they see it.  (thats extremely generous obviously, but the earnestness just gets me.  what about teh menz!!!11!!1)

and mens “reality” looks a hell of a lot different than womens, as the porn-problem illustrates.  apparently, in doodbroland, porn is exactly the same as gummy bears, and is completely unproblematic!  you know, if you are a man.  completely ignoring the problematic image of “consumption” this mansplanation evokes, cause thats just too easy…porn is unproblematic for men, because men cant get pregnant.  men think that women and vaginas are just fuckholes, for men. men think that the only problem with rape, is that men sometimes go to jail, for rape.  so they are completely invested in redefining “sex” to include rape-behaviors and acts of rape, and redefining “female pleasure” to include every sensation and emotion a woman might have, while she is being raped.  this is the male agenda, and its male reality.  and porn is completely consistent with that agenda, and with that reality.

but women know better.  we *can* get pregnant.  we *know* that women and our vaginas are not just fuckholes, for men.  we know that rape and PIV arent that different, and that rape is problematic in MANY ways, and PIV is too.  and that visceral “NO” that so many women experience in their bodies and minds when they see porn, and know that their partners are using porn is a response by women, responding as women, from a reality that is completely different than the one men inhabit.  the “NO” is also the recognition, by women, that the men we are financially and emotionally dependant on, and legally bound to oftentimes, see women as fuckholes for men.  that they see women as a sexual class as not-human, at all.  that we have bought into the biggest lie of all, and recognizing it, for what it is: that we are up to our eyeballs in dangerous male sexuality, and dependant on men to recognize us as human beings, when they cant, and they wont. NO.  NO.  NO.  but its true.

from doodbroland, women also appear to enjoy children, and being mothers.  because, you know, women are constantly being knocked up, by men, and bearing children.  but guess what dickwads?  this isnt even close to being true.  men demand PIV-centric sexuality from women, and PIV makes babies.  DUH.  because vaginas are organs, that do stuff.  and NOT just fuckholes, for men.  in reality, many, many, MANY women never wanted children, but ended up with them anyway.  many, many, MANY women are contemplating the proactive choice *not* to procreate, at all, ever, and almost all women, for much of their lives, across time and place are trying to mitigate the effects of dangerous male sexuality (ie. pregnancy) by being on the pill and using other dangerous and painful devices to specifically avoid it. 

and others are having serious thoughts and discussions about what it means to make more male-children, and to be slaves to the whims of male-bodied persons, by having male children.  even to the point of choosing (GASP) sex-selective abortion.  (yes, they are).  and none of this can be reconciled with the belief that “women enjoy children, and being mothers.”  none of it.

but doodbroland is a fucking scary, scary place, and its a terrifying tragedy, no travesty, that this is the only reality that matters.  but it is the only reality that matters.  from this reality, women look like are inhuman fuckdolls.  and women who dont agree with mens assessment of us are seen as having a “break from reality.”  in the literal sense.  as in, we are, literally, insane, when we remove ourselves from this male-created reality for any length of time, before being summarily squashed back into it.  we have men lining up to tell us that *our* assessment of *their* assessment of reality, is wrong.  but we arent wrong.

and now, some graphics!  if men are completely used to seeing women like this, or think that women actually look like this, or that women enjoy looking like this:

when they see women looking like this, or, you know, complaining about domestic violence, it doesnt seem that bad.  to them.  who cares? 

(or is it the other way around?  many, many men are perfectly used to seeing their wives and gfs with black eyes, so the “smoky eye” just seems normal, and sexy?  who knows.  probably both.)

and where even medical students (aka. eventual doctors) think that female genitals look like this (gaping twats waiting to be filled with something, or “holes” if you will):

this seems perfectly reasonable too (especially since so many men use porn, AND they dont seem to know where babies come from, at all):

the neovagina

i really, really think that women, all women, have the power to pull ourselves out of the muck, as it were, and see things for what they really are.  to literally, LITERALLY see two worlds at once, and to recognize that mens reality, isnt real, at all.  when we do this, it feels like…well, again, it feels like “NO.”  it feels like a huge sense of “NO” that overwhelms, and crushes, and smacks us in the face.  and again, when this happens, every time it happens, we are having “breaks from reality.”  which is also (of course) a euphemism for mental illness, and our recognition that mens reality isnt real, is treated as such.  we are treated as if we are mentally ill, for seeing it, for what it is.

and indeed, recognizing two worlds at once seems witchy and “mystical” in some ways, and maybe it is.  the language around it, and the image it conjures certainly is.  but if women are seen as intuitive, or psychic, or as magical or as witches or whatever (or as mentally ill) for being able to literally, LITERALLY remove ourselves from our bodies at times, and see ourselves interacting with other bodies, as they really are…well thats straight-up “objectivity,” is what it is.  thats the very definition of objectivity in fact.  and if men think that “objectivity” is mystical, its only because they have no frame of reference, and no explanation for it, at all.  because they arent objective, at all.  no matter how badly they want to believe otherwise about themselves, men are simply not rational, at all.

you know, giving them the entire benefit of the doubt, that they arent just fucking LYING.  about everything.  either way…they are just downright dangerous.